Skip to main content

Still Busy....





I’m enjoying my life and having fun and I am not interested in looking back at all. There is nothing anyone or anything that can offer me to ever make me look back into my past right now. All that lies in the past is memory and ruins. I may miss loved ones that aren’t by my side anymore. But I need to move on and figure out my place in life.


I’ve never been fuckin defined by anyone else and it’s too fucking late for that to change now. Even if I feel like the days are getting shorter and the night is coming sooner than expected and one day there will simply no more Dawn. I’m still gonna live my life like a black haired kid that was 17. Free. No rules. No responsibilities. No regrets.


No Remorse. I have lived a good life and did the best I could towards the ones I lived. Sometimes there agendas didn’t agree with me. Sometimes they didn’t know exactly what there agenda was.


All I fucking know is I wouldn’t even come crawling back. To Anyone. That’s where I stand. 


Independent. Alone. I’ll fail on my own two feet still standing then ever have someone in my life I need to blame as a crutch. There’s enough of that in my backstory. I’m not him, I’ve never been him. I rise. I win. 


It’s simply who I am, and it’s why I’m having fun in my life and acknowledging the good things and people I have in my life and the freedom I have to do and afford them now.


I tried to be a good man and was destroyed for it. Now I’m just trying to be a man and enjoying whatever’s left of my time without looking back and without having guilt about all of the things I never had a choice in because someone else wanted Control.  


This is not directed at any one person. It’s a symptom of many in my life. But I couldn’t change for myself. I’m not about to change for anyone else. And the one I tried to change the most for... well constant betrayal is a term isn’t it?


Now I just live, and make my choices accordingly. My rules. My life. My end. My ruin.


Not anyone else’s. Not anymore. Blame yourself for you’re faults in life. I’m going to enjoy everyone of the faults in my life.


Current Mood: Bored, Positive.


I don’t burn bridges, I blow them up. While I’m still on it. 

Attachment.png

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion.  This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut.  No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...