ANGER. Anger makes you slow. Anger makes you heavy. It clouds judgment. It makes mistakes. But anger controlled is strength; a wounded friend to carry, a desert to cross. Commandos don't waste anger. They channel it.
Call me when you’re ready to grow up. Because I’m done playing games and what if. I’m not the back up plan. I’m done being angry.
You hurt me and I forgive you because of a promise I made to another. I always let you come back.
That’s ended. I have nothing to prove to you but you have plenty to prove to me. That’s where we stand. That’s why you have never been offered the fucking ring. That’s why you likely never will be.
You know the saddest fucking part? You need me to be angry at you. I function better as a person in you’re absense when I’m angry and hate you.
Looking for peace and wishing for a change only leads to depression and apathy. I get things done when I want to to be the destroyer of worlds and the water of souls.
We need to be enemies and hate each other. It makes our lives better.
At least then I won’t delude myself to not think that every word out of you’re drunken mouth isn’t a bullshit lie.
You claim to love someone but your actions speak volumes differently. This is why I don’t trust you. This is why we aren’t together.
This is why I’m the back up plan.
Something I’m not and never will be.
I am becoming numb And apathetic to all you’re behaviour again.
Next will come anger, and any forgiveness will start to erode. You destroyed my life all ever was try to make yours better or in the absence of that stay away and leave you alone.
But I’m not even worthy of that so continue you’re love affair with the bottle and I’ll fade away agian.
Maybe in a few years it will be different.
I honestly fucking doubt it.
This has never been about money. It’s always been about behaviour. It’s always been about you’re choices. And it’s why I choose to walk away.
I am hurting on a physical level and I need you. But I’d never give you that satisfaction of knowing that. I’ll suffer in silence Instead.
The fact that I am both in physical and emotional pain this week is not lost on me. You made a choice 20 years ago not me.
I’ve just had to live with the results.
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