Call me when you’re sober.

ANGER. Anger makes you slow. Anger makes you heavy. It clouds judgment. It makes mistakes. But anger controlled is strength; a wounded friend to carry, a desert to cross. Commandos don't waste anger. They channel it.

Call me when you’re ready to grow up. Because I’m done playing games and what if. I’m not the back up plan. I’m done being angry.

You hurt me and I forgive you because of a promise I made to another. I always let you come back.

That’s ended. I have nothing to prove to you but you have plenty to prove to me. That’s where we stand. That’s why you have never been offered the fucking ring. That’s why you likely never will be.

You know the saddest fucking part? You need me to be angry at you. I function better as a person in you’re absense when I’m angry and hate you.

Looking for peace and wishing for a change only leads to depression and apathy. I get things done when I want to to be the destroyer of worlds and the water of souls.

We need to be enemies and hate each other. It makes our lives better.

At least then I won’t delude myself to not think that every word out of you’re drunken mouth isn’t a bullshit lie.

You claim to love someone but your actions speak volumes differently. This is why I don’t trust you. This is why we aren’t together.

This is why I’m the back up plan.

Something I’m not and never will be.

I am becoming numb And apathetic to all you’re behaviour again.

Next will come anger, and any forgiveness will start to erode. You destroyed my life all ever was try to make yours better or in the absence of that stay away and leave you alone.

But I’m not even worthy of that so continue you’re love affair with the bottle and I’ll fade away agian.

Maybe in a few years it will be different.

I honestly fucking doubt it.

This has never been about money. It’s always been about behaviour. It’s always been about you’re choices. And it’s why I choose to walk away.

I am hurting on a physical level and I need you. But I’d never give you that satisfaction of knowing that. I’ll suffer in silence Instead.

The fact that I am both in physical and emotional pain this week is not lost on me. You made a choice 20 years ago not me.

I’ve just had to live with the results.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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