I don’t live in yesterday and dwell in memory’s. I live here and now. I do what is important to me now and only what is important to me now. I held off on living to do the right thing for so very long that now I am making choices for me. And while some may fall by the wayside because of those choices that’s the way it has always fucking been. I live. I move on. You either stand beside me or you don’t. No fucks given. I count a field of those that have been left behind. And I still don’t care.
People make their choices. I react accordingly. When you come back to me begging for my attention and to be part of my life. That’s an illusion. I judge actions. Not pretty words.
Nothing in my life has ever changed because of some pretty fucking words. It’s always been actions that moved the chess pieces.
I’m not the one jealous of anyone else’s life. The pendulum swings for everyone different. But my fate is only defined by myself. That’s the only way it’s ever going to be.
I don’t look back, except once. And that door can be closed and open at my leisure. I live by my actions, my words, my choices. The difference is I say that something will happen it happens. Then, now, forever. I am uncompromising in my beliefs and the person I am and suddenly this big river of everything that was wrong about me doesn’t seem to be the wide of a gap for you anymore.
Probably because I’m everything I ever said I am, I haven’t changed. I just spent a moment trying to care about someone other than myself and it woke Sleeping Beauty out of her war torn slumber.
I have never been the biggest problem in your life and I’ve always lived by my own code and morals. Once before you loved and respected that, I think you still do. You’re just trying to rationalize all the damage you’ve done to all three of our lives. And if fixing us means further damage to the innocent one, then I agree with you. It’s not needed.
I have no problem with whatever we are now however. Being civil is the safest moment for both of our mental healths. It’s easier just to ignore you when I’m not wanted than it is to be angry. I’ve been done fighting with you for a very long time.
I don’t look back. Even when some of the days we were at war looked thru the nostalgia filter might be the good old days, they are also a reminder of what could have been and the years we’ve lost.
But that’s not on me, that’s on you.
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: Blind Guardian, The Bards Song.
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