Skip to main content

My Friend Of Misery


Everything is agian becoming very complicated, there are so many weird Xfactors with my carreer, my part time job to supplement my real job, my formerly supposed infatuation is creating havoc with her mental problems agian, Nikk, you picked a real winner there. nothing like someone wanting to sabotage your career directly. t's not like I ever tryed to do the same when i had the power and the vindictiveness to do so.. no i walk away to let her wallow in her own misery. i thought for once that you would be happy, but of course at this point nothing i do can make you anything but shallow,vindictive and angry. you deal with your own issues i have my own and other's to deal with that are unlike anything in your career and your spoiled old money port dalhousie Disney princess life. i can' belive with the population i deal with in my job that you are creating some of the same issues with our only child. of course there is a reason i am starting to seriously start thinking about joint custody and charging you with parental alienation. i am more in his life than a wallet and someone you continue to play mindgames with. there is no more emotional attachment why can't you understand that every time you attempt to draw me into confrontation? then agian your immature.
there is a reason that there was another girl before you that is way more important to me on a physical, spiritual and emotional level at this point. and she's untouchable too... but at least it gives me hope that there is more to life than my past and the unemotional piece of crap that is and always has treated as nothing more than a disposable sperm dollar and an Atm. whatever, that situtation in itself is both very enlightening and confusing... i wonder at this point where the future goes... at least when i'm speaking to her to her the hurt about the supposedly former infatuation goes away and doesn't hurt so much... even if i am apprehaensive about acting upon feelings and emotions with the other girl because it would complicate things for both of us... when the Thorold Experiment ended i said my last goodbyes to the possibilities of residing in Niagara. going back there now for any reason on a permanent basis would be a step backward.. even how much i care about a person or don't.

Misery
You insist that the weight of the world
Should be on your shoulders
Misery
Theres much more to life than what you see
My friend of misery

Current Mood: Miserable.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...