Skip to main content

A Game of You.



You are absolutley correct, Today should not have have happened. Confusion reigns and i not longer know what to think so am i going to be preidctable and obvious and do the usual malignant disruptive behavior so it's doesn't affect me.. being stone cold to the passage of time protects me more than i want sometimes.But i don't wish to create Havoc in anyone else's enviorment, i am crippled by my own emotions and failures more than anyone who has ever tired to understand me will know, and i feel like have spread my poison once agian, i'm not a hard man to love, i'm a deadly man to love. everything dies and everyone goes away, it's better that way. that way i can't hurt anyone that i love or that might love me outside of bloodties which have to put up with my shit long term i have basically given up on trying to find that person, a soulmate or a connection, i have the feeling i might have shattered that today, and i was scared to death to see her in the first place....
"The price of getting what you want, is getting what once you wanted." ~ Dream ("Dream Country").

Back to your regularly scheduled behaviors, Same Bat channel, Same Bat time....


Current Mood:Still sad, misunderstanding.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.
Post a Comment
Read more