Skip to main content

Confusion.


SO anyways... i am wondering what the hell is going on in my life agian.. i am finding things are agian becoming anarchy in my personal and professional lives? what the fuck is with having my shifts cut back to nothing.. fuck lay me off already... at least that way i'd have to go get EI instead of begging on my hands and knees to the fucking goverment.. i'm in love with that... please help me pay the rent so i can afford to go to work... and of course.. if not i'm homeless when i finally found something i can stay at long term with just enough room.

One however must wait and expect the other shoe to drop at the same time however, St.Catherines isn't answering, i'm glad i'm not there in person but i'd like to be able to discuss options with all this goddamn freetime off esp. with the fact that the cottage may or may not be a possibilty if things pick up at work.. at this point...i can't afford to take a vacation.. so we will see if we go this year... maybe it's better that people aren't around me today... i'm fucking Miserable.. maybe i'll get my paycheque and drink the four beers in the fridge and go see transformers and not give a shit about the world... gotta make sure everythings Kosher with my little man and next week tho. i will fiogure it all out but right now i need to explore every and any Options.

Current Mood: Miserable.

Happiness is a prison. Happiness is the most insidious prison of all.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.