Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

It's time to use the darkness and all that is dead and withired inside my soul to full advantage, it's better to use the anger that has eaten away at my soul to feed upon the ones responsible...I cannot sit by and see whats left of my life keep crumbling and be smashed to bits because of other's mechanations, it's time to take control.. my fate is always in my hand... it's time to take that hand and form it into a fist.. the time for defense is over... it's now time for offense it's time to break the shackles and kick the fucking doors of control down. I am under No one's thumb. Current Mood: Bitter. I "believe" that parental alienation is a form of adult "bullying"--I really do....the parent of a child that will not let the other parent see their child is doing it for purely selfish reasons....most of the time it seems that the parent who is doing this to the other parent is under the impression that "they" are the "be

I am getting to a place where there is only one person, and that person is me...people that have never done anything for me are going to be cast to the wayside, i'm sick of dealing with asshole freinds who think because i am their friend that they can treat me the way they do and walk all over me, there are a lot fo fucking people out there that were never there... i do not have the fucking time to deal with their selfishness and immaturity, it's becoming very clear that some of these people never fucking knew me..and/or ever tried to know me, after a discusuion with one of my very best freinds i am really starting to examine options about the rest of my life.. there's a lot that need to be dealt with.. i have the bullets, i have the knives.. i'm sick of both my past and my present coming down to haunt me.... there's a lot more to me than whatever people see, there has been way to much manipulation of the system in my life and soon that battle is going to turn into

The darkness inside of me and the Hate and anger is a part of me... it's what drives me.. it's something you could never understand... now it's the only thing i have to cling to... as my world is crumbling due to the actions of another... my heart and soul stolen.... and you know exactly what i mean.. and exactly what was taken.....everything....everything i am is gone...and freinds are another distant connection whom i have willingly walked away and away from agian and agian.... there is a reason i ran away to windsor and never looked back.... at least in windsor it's a world away and the system can't shackle and crucify me to be exactly what the planned for me.... for years i pretended i didn't have a past... and then one person decides she's going to use the knowledge and the half truths about what she knows about me to destroy me.... no judge, no jury, no conviction in a court of law.... just words.... her lies... and i'm dead inside..... there's

Things are finally moving forward... sometime this week you got served and i have some very good fucking ammuniotion in my bullets should i need to put you down... it's very interesting and telling when i have confirmed earlier suspicions of you cheating back when we were trying to conceieve but of course it's not like you ever knew how to close your legs... but the mistake you made wasn't so much with me... but having a lose end out there that you done the exact same thing as you have done to me out there.. the worse crime about that was he took responibilty and went up to the plate and it wasn't his son.. and you knew that, probaly during the preganancy and definitly after our child was born, but still you led him on... that's pretty fucking low... there is no question and has never been any question that kid is mine and even in your addeled alcoholic control freak mind you must have been able to see that... but of course needing a good father figure role modelis

i've had my fun for the last few days and i am going to do something really positive tonight, but it's time to go back and deal and have actions mean something agian, i'm expecting blow back but that's all good, its better to be the hunter instead of the hunted, i've always said i'd rather be feared than loved...but the fear is irrational, its a mindgame. i will enventually vent on what i found out yesterday but at the moment other concerns are overriding the rage and anger and the hatred that would bring me down from that revelation... nice to have certian things that i knew as fact confirmed tho, agian it's time to deal with the problems and the root cause instead of brooding and being angry and powerless. i'm a strong person and as much as you try to destroy me, change me or try and remove me from yours and his life.. it's not going to fucking happen... i'm here i'm standing tall and im not going anywhere. it took a lot of pride to make th

Last night was fucking awesome and for a little while helped me to forget all my problems in this life so i could start to focus on them a little today, today was a good day i filled a puzzle piece that will probably come to haunt her. but for the moment I am enjoying my good high for yesterday and hoping i can maintain my happiness and positivity as long as humanly possible... i got my son a randy Orton snakey shirt and i got a cmp punk one... I didn't want to get him a barney looking red cena shirt this time, the one he got last year was cool, and never seen again but this is gonna be an Xmas gift, I missed him a lot last night... all the good and fun memories should be ours to share not mine alone. i intend to change that no matter how much it hurts. Current Mood: Happy. Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it..

It's a good day for me and a day i am actually smiling and a little bit happy, that being said it is also a bittersweet day because when i did the same thing to celebrate last year i had my little man in tow and we did football and the WWE :-(. at least i know theyre will be plenty of time for us to follow up and do things like this agian when all this hell is behind me... i'm 35 and still alive and i'm not going anywhere, i'm going to enjoy my day and put the last year behind me for 24 hours and just enjoy myself...I wish it was a little easier to make that phone call and have my son wish me a happy birthday tho.. that's the one that hurts today and I should be used to it by now... but it still hurts.. every fucking year... worse on his birthday than mine tho... Current Mood: Bittersweet. We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.

It's time to start fighting back, I am no longer going to sit around and wait for the chips to fall where they may, I am back in court and i am moving forward with the ministry review of the file, It's time to stop pretending everything is normal and go back to everything is normal, I am sick of Hamilton and i only moved here to provide myself with better employment than i would have found in Thorold, I am sick of old and new ghosts from Niagara constantly following me and trying to exert control and make my life hell... there's only on person that matters at all there. It's time for positive changes in my current situation and it's time for people that are meaningless to take a step back, i don't think a certain someone will be happy when she receives a document this week, but you can't fight what you can't kill... she should know better... as long as i draw a fucking breathe there is no way I'm ever going to fucking back down... espically when i k

I am fucking done with being intimidated, I should not be sitting here waiting r things to happen i need to make my world go back to normal, the saddest part of this whole world is I tried to be good and do everything right and the world still decided to crap on me, then again it's not the world that did these things to me, i should still be in Windsor i should have finished school and not chased a dream that would turn into a nightmare and then a maggot infested corpse... if she wanted to destroy my life and destroy a man there are easier fucking ways to do it... I wish I didn't know about my son sometimes or that i had made the choice to be a deadbeat dad, I hate the fact i have been pronounced guilty by no one yet between my ex and the government there is really nothing i can do except wait for the scales of justice to slowly turn in my favor, how long that can take i do not know, but i wish it would speed up.. I'm sick of sitting a round with a pain in the gut of my st