35 and still alive...

It's a good day for me and a day i am actually smiling and a little bit happy, that being said it is also a bittersweet day because when i did the same thing to celebrate last year i had my little man in tow and we did football and the WWE :-(. at least i know theyre will be plenty of time for us to follow up and do things like this agian when all this hell is behind me... i'm 35 and still alive and i'm not going anywhere, i'm going to enjoy my day and put the last year behind me for 24 hours and just enjoy myself...I wish it was a little easier to make that phone call and have my son wish me a happy birthday tho.. that's the one that hurts today and I should be used to it by now... but it still hurts.. every fucking year... worse on his birthday than mine tho...

Current Mood: Bittersweet.
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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