Intimidation Factor II

I am fucking done with being intimidated, I should not be sitting here waiting r things to happen i need to make my world go back to normal, the saddest part of this whole world is I tried to be good and do everything right and the world still decided to crap on me, then again it's not the world that did these things to me, i should still be in Windsor i should have finished school and not chased a dream that would turn into a nightmare and then a maggot infested corpse... if she wanted to destroy my life and destroy a man there are easier fucking ways to do it... I wish I didn't know about my son sometimes or that i had made the choice to be a deadbeat dad, I hate the fact i have been pronounced guilty by no one yet between my ex and the government there is really nothing i can do except wait for the scales of justice to slowly turn in my favor, how long that can take i do not know, but i wish it would speed up.. I'm sick of sitting a round with a pain in the gut of my stomach telling me I'm helpless and having the weight of these accusations play mind games with my head... a weaker man would not be standing here today.... a weaker man would have taken the cowards way out...I'm no Coward.. regardless that little boy needs a father.. even if it is to find me in 15 years time to answer his questions.

Current Mood: Angry,Depressed.
The ones who hate me the most are the ones who don't scare me.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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