Intimidation Factor II

I am fucking done with being intimidated, I should not be sitting here waiting r things to happen i need to make my world go back to normal, the saddest part of this whole world is I tried to be good and do everything right and the world still decided to crap on me, then again it's not the world that did these things to me, i should still be in Windsor i should have finished school and not chased a dream that would turn into a nightmare and then a maggot infested corpse... if she wanted to destroy my life and destroy a man there are easier fucking ways to do it... I wish I didn't know about my son sometimes or that i had made the choice to be a deadbeat dad, I hate the fact i have been pronounced guilty by no one yet between my ex and the government there is really nothing i can do except wait for the scales of justice to slowly turn in my favor, how long that can take i do not know, but i wish it would speed up.. I'm sick of sitting a round with a pain in the gut of my stomach telling me I'm helpless and having the weight of these accusations play mind games with my head... a weaker man would not be standing here today.... a weaker man would have taken the cowards way out...I'm no Coward.. regardless that little boy needs a father.. even if it is to find me in 15 years time to answer his questions.

Current Mood: Angry,Depressed.
The ones who hate me the most are the ones who don't scare me.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog