Collecting my Thoughts.

It's time for wastefulness of the tired tragedy of the last six months to end, i am in the process of writing the war manifesto and collecting my thoughts into one single cohesive weapon to be used against those who have wronged me and to prove exactly what is right and wrong in this world... it was nice to spend the weekend around family and it did help to lift my spirits but it also confirmed my resolve to have an ending, i can't wait any longer to regain my life, I can't sit by painlessly and pretend everything is alright in this world, with myself, with my son, within the system i work in, Once i am vindicated and my name is clear i will have some tough choices to make both personally and professionally... there are other options out there, maybe with the shock to the system the last six months has been it's time to analyze some of them and deal with them, i can't be frustrated constantly by the fact i went to school for a better life and that has in the short term of the year 2011 backfired spectacularly because one person holds a grudge and is wanting to control me years after the fact, any one that truly knows me knows that No one will ever control me... and Anyone that Knows how and Why I grew up the way I did Knows why.

Current Mood: Militant.
Did you think to kill me? There's no flesh or blood within this cloak to kill. There's only an idea. Ideas are bulletproof.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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