The War Manifesto II

Thoughts are Done being collected and The time to start with offensive fucking actions is now. there is no reason for me to wallow in depression and pain all weekend long and just feel like the hurt is never going to end. I am stronger than this and I will survive. I know who and what I am and there is no reason for me to see the darkness. it's time to take everything that has been thrown at me over this year of hell and turn it back on the ones that have caused it. I have enough to say and i am good enough advocate for me and my child that it is time to prepare to do war. there has been a lot of saber rattling and a lot of intimidation, None of it coming from me... don't get me me wrong i know how to be intimidating, but it will be my actions and not my words that win this battle... as long as i hold my head up high and don't descend to your level I will eventually see the right outcome. it's sad that everything recently has more to do with your hate for me, and i suspect your own inner hatred of yourself than it has do with anything else, let's play the game... right now it's a stalemate...but in Chess... which i taught you how to play... i always go until the checkmate... you gotta kill the king or be killed by his forces...I taught you that... and this is one King you can never destroy.... not until my dying and final breath. I won't stop fighting for what I believe and who i care about.

Current Mood: Determined and Depressed.
I will permit no man or woman to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate them.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

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