War Manifesto III

There are days when I find it very hard to get up in the morning and force myself to feel anything.Today is one of those days, I know that i have shit to do and accomplish and all i want to do is sit around and accomplish nothing and stop giving a fuck about the world. I can't feel a goddamn thing but anger and hatred and while i know in my mind that these are not positive emotions i still feel them, and i am starting to hate and loathe everything. all i can do is focus on the upcoming battle and watch the days slowly move past as nothing fucking changes. I can't see a future because all the promise that i had s gone... it's time for me to mean, it's time for me to be viscous and unrelenting.. it's time to fucking serve her with the exact same degree of injustice she has served to me. my life is currently pointless and i can't feel a damn thing, yet she has done this to me purposely.... out of hate and revenge... i don't know what i ever did... but I do know when this is all over, i will make her fucking life Hell.

Current Mood: Angry.
Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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