Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon.

Your responsibility to be ready for the fight, never ends.

You know regardless of anything else in my life, there is the fact that I don't back down and i won't leave a fight half finished.. I will see it thru to the end... i don't even know anything more but the battle and this war.. i don't know or understand how to stand down when the battle is half over and I can go back to a somewhat normal state of being.. my defense mechanism's are still in full effect and regardless of everything i think I'm still looking over my shoulder expecting another attack to destroy me.. even tho she stands on vapour trails the only way i will ever know peace is to see this thru to the end.. because there has to be an end.. someday. Three years of fighting, and what do i have? at least i've had some good experiences and oppurtuinities but it seems like i am trying to go back to someone i once was.. yet that person doesn't and has never existed, there has always only been the warrior, there always only been me... there has only been the battle and the scars... i can remember being happy but i don't know how to feel it anymore.. i'm moving forward yet somehow still standing still... i want to go back to my life.. but i know it is forever changed by another's actions... i need to see this thru to the bitter end and finish the fight... but i am having trouble adjusting to the reality of being a free man, I've been a prisoner for far too fucking long... it's nice to be a free man but it's even nicer knowing at this moment that i have the advantage in the battle... which shouldn't even be happening... I'm sick of fighting... but I'll fight until I'm six feet deep if that what it takes... there is no compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon....never. and I've faced down Armageddon and survived... scarred but still standing, waiting for the last battle. the last moment in this war.. whenever the fucking thing comes.

Current Mood: Tired
Current Music: Asshole, Eminem.

The fight isn't over until you win.

It gives me strength to have somebody to fight for; I can never fight for myself, but, for others, I can kill.

Never contend with a man who has nothing to lose.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion. This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut. No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...

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