Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other merry thing. Sometimes we must drink more, sport, recreate ourselves, and even sin a little to spite the devil, so that we leave him no place for troubling our consciences with trifles. We are conquered if we try too conscientiously not to sin at all. So when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to. They sell courage of a sort in the taverns. And another sort, though not for sale, a man can find in the confessional. Try the alehouses and the churches. In either a man can be quiet and think. A week removed from a very interesting experince where i got two meet two of my childhood wrestling hero's with one of my longest and best freinds....I just can't belive that this world wind tour of the part of central ontario in which i live is done... and that he is already gone how.. I keep looking o

There can't be good living where there is not good drinking If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. The thing that bothers me the most is knowing what an unconditional freind I have in you and how there have been people here that I can't trust like that, but you are on another continent and you have my back, with no expectations. I keep looking over my shoulder and your not there but in my head I hear your voice and laughter and it gives me something I have not known in years. Happiness. But now it's just a whisper of when you were here and that's the reality I have to face until we meet agian. I cannot believe that one of my best freinds, probaly the best freind lives 3009 miles away, you're so near and so much like me but yeah so far away, as I write this you're not even home yet.It just astounds the mind that you are one of the most rock solid people I know, and within hours I miss you terribly.I thin

I don't know right Now how to feel, somethings missing and all I feel is numb, all i have been used to for the last few days is my best freind beside me and now he's gone and it will be a little while before i see him agian, the bedrock that is our freindship is only stregthened by these experinces and it was nice to have things that i have become jaded and bored with, seen through another mans eyes, reexamining my own views and realizing the marvels that are out there in my own backyard that seem commonplace to me, they are wonders to others.. I am glad you have taught me that... I just wish that It could have been longer and that you never left.. I miss have my partner in crime to do dumb shit with.. I just feel so fucking Numb.. I cannot imagine how you have been feeling.. there are so many experinces and conversations i swear i could talk to you for days and learn so much from you, and the feeling is so mutual, and it's just this perfect thing.. this perfect freindship

Advices report that sometime later, an unidentified person snuck into the graveyard and chiseled an inscription. The epitaph read only one word... 'Pals'. After an Epic Ten days It is finally Over and I feel that I have both found a and lost a missing part of my soul, A freind and a family came into my life for real this week, and it was over way too soon, but it is sometimes clear why some of my freinds I have for life and some I have for a moment... I know which ones are the ones i will take to my gravestone... I cannot belive that For all the amazing things and the clusterfucks that have happened in these last two weeks how amazing i feel around him and How much we are alike... Only one thing would have made this week sweeter, maybe two, and knowing in many ways he shares a similar pain and hurt i think has only made our bond stronger. having someone who I don't have to put on pretenses and has been a solid trusted freind for years and actually getting to spend some

Almost invariably people expected that if you were a good person you shouldn't meet a bad end, that only the deserving are killed and certainly only the deserving are murdered. However well hidden and subtle, there was a sense that a murdered person had somehow asked for it. That's why the shock when someone they knew to be kind and good was a victim. There was a feeling that surely there had been a mistake. The war has only just started, what I fucking found out today is your fucking doom, you take my son but You let that piece of shit into your home after what he did after you fucking destroyed my life, and we are done, full custody or I'll be getting a new lawyer I don't give a fuck. Current Mood:Destroy Murder is unique in that it abolishes the party it injures, so that society has to take the place of the victim and on his behalf demand atonement or grant forgiveness; it is the one crime in which society has a direct interest.

We all were broken by someone we would’ve died for. Until you are broken, you don't know what you're made of Look into My eyes and tell me "Do you hate me ? We die a little every day and by degrees we’re reborn into different men, older men in the same clothes, with the same scars It doesn't go Away, The great Void inside this black Hole inside my chest, I've finally opened myself up again and allowed myself to allow the possibility that there will be a light at the end of this black tunnel, I'm starting to allow myself to care about other's but as long as you're missing from my life and gone, I am a broken shattered Hot fucking mess... I am your soldier and the Oncoming storm, Never backing down from anyone I have to, But In these few moments of happiness i have finally fucking gained in my life it's fucking pathetic that the person most important in my life isn't here to share those experiences, this shouldn't be the way my life

I respect your... conviction; the lone man who thinks he can make a difference On the 19th it will be four years since my Life ended and the Cold war became an Intense fucking battle For my Life, my career, My sanity and my son's soul... Four years of hell, it's time for me to be the person i used to be and use the skills and knowledge i have to get back into the workplace and no longer be an angry burned out shell of the man who I once hoped to be, there are things still missing in life that i need to attend to but i have a little bit of time now and the freedom to return to my old life at least in a career aspect, I am almost forty years old it is time to become the functional person that i know I can be... the system requires change and it has to come from within, no matter how much I have anger and hatred for the system, I entered into this mission almost 20 years ago and it is not something I will easily walk away from, No matter the damage that has been done in my pers

I am frustrated today by my own decisions as much as I have been Happy as of late.... I still need to account for my decisions and own up to my responsibilities I have undertaken, Both here and at home... I spent last night frustrated and angry and upset and it was all inward because i felt like i had failed, not just in the moment but completely. I'm supposed to be the strong one and the one who protects others but when a mistake is made and I can't do that, I'm very upset and Angry at myself and knowing that I couldn't protect and/or prevent what happens plays with my mindspace because whether or not it's 5 years or 5 minutes ago, I failed in being the protective one and let something happen, and while I am very very happy at the moment there is someone missing who would fit in right here with us like a glove and he is very sadly missed. I'm just frustrated at myself, No matter how content i have been for the last few weeks with the new turn in my life... I am

When you are swimming in success, a lot of fake friends would show up in your life. But when things get hard, you would think that all those unfriendly friends probably lost your phone number by accident, because you would barely or never hear from them again. So be wise with the caliber of people that you keep in your inner circle. I don't care if I have known you for twenty minutes or for 25+ plus years, If you are in my way and creating drama in my life you will be fucking broomed out of my life faster than you can spit. I am finally finding some true happiness in my life and I don't need the sycophants and hangers on that have populated my life surrounding me, I know exactly who was there and who wasn't in my darkest hours and exactly why I do and do not associate with certain people... it's really time for my close myself down to people I have been keeping at arms length and people I don't know anymore... i have my inner circle and people that will never ever

Just like there's always time for pain, there's always time for healing Today was long time coming and the first time in years i have actually shed tears of joy, there are dark tunnels in my life but once in a while a huge light opens and things in my life change for the extreme better, today was one of the best days of my life and an experience that will never ever be forgotten. there isn't much else i can say, other than i am extremely content and happy with a vast majority of things in my life. now i just need to complete the puzzle with the missing puzzle piece. it was pretty cool giving him his kreo's and and his animated transformers.. he loved em, and better yet he adores me and the feeling is mutual and I will miss him. i need to start doing the Windsor visits more often, because now i have reasons to go home and better than that, I've been invited to do so. IT was an awesome day, even if it was just simpler things we did, but that's not the memory he

Behind you, hands are tied Your being, ostracized Your hell is multiplied Upending The fallout has begun Oppressive damage done Your many turned to none To nothing I am fucking sick of toxic people in my fucking life. I am no longer going to make an emotional fucking attachment to someone to find out that all they want is me to constantly do and do and do for them, esp when the said person is living in a house i have a personal connection to and is being rented to by someone I consider a freind since i was a child.. I may have not seen said person since i was a child but there is still respect for that person because they have never done anything to affect me in my life ever. and given the people that have run fucking interference in my life can be counted in the hundreds, i'm not going to affect the ones that have not. as soon as i realized where the fuck that this person moved i should have walked away... it's ridiculous that I'm trying to distance myself and my

It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace There are a lot of recent changes to my life and while not all of them have been compleltly positive the ones that are, are very obvious, When even old wounds all finally healing, even ones i may have caused by my actions when i was younger, it's time to be moving forward and use the positive things i have in my life and keep going and never look back.. it's telling when someone i care deeply about get's upset at a throw away comment about visiting a freind from the old days but I understand, and it's clearly i'm going to care more about the one i'm with than a shadow in my past that has done nothing more but use me and throw me away repeatly... I Care deeply about people and thats one of my fatal flaws, but it's time to be about my family, and the ones that i care about now and the ones that care about me th

It's better to swallow pride than blood. Yesterday is in the books and i had a successful day based on everything and I cannot complain about the day, I had a great time selling with my girlfreind and one of my best freinds, the less said about saturday night however the better.. some people you need to know how to keep a healthy space from sometimes... but THis is the first step of the moving away from the toy thing as it was clear yesterday that while i did well, i still have a locker full of stuff, but that only gives me the strength to continue in the summer and do the major show to finish the story, and end this chapter of my life. it was good to see some of my freinds associated with this shit after 6 months of being distanced from it. i do have people that care about me in that community, it was good to see them agian. I would espically like to thank the gentleman who sold out all of his stuff before the doors open to another dealer who was so nice to give me his table onc