The Chess Game V: The Final Move.

Rather than the strength it takes to not lose, it's the strength to stand back up after a loss that is sometimes more valuable.

Are you fucking kidding me? Days after his thirteenth birthday you're playing ball? There's no reason to read anything into that. It's time to move forward, but I have my fucking reservations. You're timing is fucking suspect and I'm not surprised. It's just another move of the pawns in the fucking game. I don't trust it. I'm fed up with the wars and the battles. Everything is just another chess move, and any games played esp around Xmas are a sign of how truly pathetic that you are. It's all game to you and if you had any soul at all it would not have come to this. This is the final end game, and there are very few moves left in your arsenal to play. but of course you are going to attempt to play everyone of them... of course, i still have my trump cards to play, you might think youre unpredictable, but youre not... your timing is suspect and this is still and always will be just a game... youre tactics suck, but it's time now for me to start counting the moves to checkmate, to the end... and it is no longer far away. despite how much youre mental mindgames seek to delay the ineviatable, just remeber, i taught you how to play the game.. and i'm much fucking better at the damn thing than you are.

Current Mood: Angry.

We all do our duty when there's no cost to it. Honor comes easy then. But sooner or later, in every man's life, there comes a day when it is not easy. A day when he must choose.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

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