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Quid Pro Quo.


I wasn't there when you needed me, so you aren't there when I need you. Guess we are even.

The only ones truly affected are the ones that you have permanently taken away a relationship from. I do not know if I can ever forgive the last decade now. I was close. But then you're behavior and actions when it comes to our son show true colors.

You and I both know my mind goes to the darkest places when its obvious that you don't care about me and my emotions. This just proves everything is about you, I don't nwed that in my life. No matter how much you sometimes claim to love me. When I needed you, you're a ghost.. I guess I deserved it, but fuck you none the less.

I needed you but you're not here, you are never going to be there, that much remains obvious. It doesn't matter if I am fighting you or fighting for you. The moments I truly need you, you have never been there and you blame me for not being there for you, even though every step along that road it has been you're decision.

I'm done, no more anger, no more hate. You are my sons mother. At some level I love You, at some level I need you. But when I needed you most in this moment, you showed true colors. I am at peace with you no matter what comes next. I have forgiven the past. My inner turmoil right now has nothing to do with you save one thing. I needed you, and you're not here. That spoke volumes past that night. You're silence is a message received. I understand my place in you're life. I don't exist unless you want me to.

I have accomplished every goal I set out the last few years as far as it comes to you. There is nothing left to give to you.

It wasn't even about me and you. You could have comforted me a lot more. I needed you this time.

Yet another test, and the teacher failed. Just like I did last time. Guess I deserved it for not being there because you had shut me out.

Maybe one day things will change but for the moment its the same old Bullshit behaviors. True colours will always shine thru, we may be family. But we are a fucked up family, and when we needed each other. Neither of us was there for the other. That's the truth.

The real victim is our son.

Quid Pro Quo. 

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