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The Man Who Sold The World



You made me fall in love with you all over again and I hate you for it. I hope that there is an eventual outcome, but right now there are times where I feel it was just another dirty trick. That’s not fair.


I think the worst part is you gave Me hope again for something I’d considered long dead. I don’t feel that way anymore and I know that you don’t either. We are just complicated. As usual. Nothing is simple with you. I just wish I could trust you again the way I could in the fall. That meant a lot and then you broke it, maybe it will come back one day, maybe it won’t. Either way I’m fine with that part. It’s the rest of it I don’t Like. The fact that my heart hurts for you in a way it hasn’t in a very long time, and this time it won’t go away. Not that it ever did, it was just easier to ignore the pain when we we’re angry.


I’ll be honest, I am getting sick of you reaching out when you feel vulnerable for security. Just because I’m always going to be there doesn’t mean I always have to like that fact. ESPECIALLY when you know I’m going to get emotionally invested with little to no payoff to those emotions every fucking time. I deserve better. You know I do.


I don’t doubt that you know I am still in love with you. I think what you constantly doubt is if you are in love with me or if it’s just some fantasy of the best days of both our lives. It’s too bad that with you it’s everything or nothing and because there will always be someone that both of us love unconditionally between us, you need to make that decision. I understand that part. I just wish you didn’t pretend because I know emotions remain, I just don’t know how deeply you truly care or if I’m just a happy memory you like to revisit when you’re in pain.


I’m not going to beg to be a part of you’re life, I’m not built that way. But I will always fight to be in your life... I think that’s what you want me to do to. You and I have a bond it’s just complicated.... and the world and expectations got in the way.

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