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Ronin.


I feel truly alone in my life right now. My father is gone and my son is out of my reach. I am alone. There are no more battles to fight. Nothing left to win. I just want my father back. I just want my family whole. This is not where I thought I would be in my life right now. I was headed for a better place and now it seems like it is all falling apart.

Everything has changed and the place I thought I might be headed to in the immediate future isn't important right now. I need time to process what is. Not forgotten pipe dreams that should have happened a long time ago. He was a good grandfather, he deserved the last decade with his grandson. Its going to take me a long time to get past that right now. I am hurting and I'm angry and I know what has been lost that can never be regained.

The silence speaks volumes. I am not going to fight forever for something. I know what's important in my life but the fact that I am being ignored doesn't make me think positively. I have bigger things to focus on and bigger pain to work thru right now.

I should have been a better son, i wish I had been half the father he was to me, maybe there is still time. Right now I just feel empty.

All I want is my dad back. One last coffee, one last conversation.


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