Skip to main content

Ronin.


I feel truly alone in my life right now. My father is gone and my son is out of my reach. I am alone. There are no more battles to fight. Nothing left to win. I just want my father back. I just want my family whole. This is not where I thought I would be in my life right now. I was headed for a better place and now it seems like it is all falling apart.

Everything has changed and the place I thought I might be headed to in the immediate future isn't important right now. I need time to process what is. Not forgotten pipe dreams that should have happened a long time ago. He was a good grandfather, he deserved the last decade with his grandson. Its going to take me a long time to get past that right now. I am hurting and I'm angry and I know what has been lost that can never be regained.

The silence speaks volumes. I am not going to fight forever for something. I know what's important in my life but the fact that I am being ignored doesn't make me think positively. I have bigger things to focus on and bigger pain to work thru right now.

I should have been a better son, i wish I had been half the father he was to me, maybe there is still time. Right now I just feel empty.

All I want is my dad back. One last coffee, one last conversation.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more