Everything was simpler before I went to jail. The world changed and I didn’t. It seems like now all I do is go from crisis to crisis to crisis with the ones I love. There has to be something better than this hell. I know that I could move on alone and take care of myself but that means abandoning all of those that care about me. That’s not in my character but I do sometimes wish that other things weren’t different in my world.
Responsibilities suck. I have far to many of them. It was simpler when I could just play my guitar and take care of myself. Good or bad, i was at peace in my affairs and personal life. Now I’m constantly fighting battles while being at peace only on my head. I’d rather take mental suffering than wondering about my tommorow.
And right now I don’t feel like I have one. I am hurting and pulled in different directions and I am not good at caring and providing for someone else. I do my best but it is leading to burnout and being taken advantage of and it’s getting frustrating in the long run. I feel like 4 years ago I had choices and options and now I’m running around like a hamster on a wheel.
I am reminded of time when I was trying to find peace. And now I am at peace. There is a difference in the two. I’m looking for external sources to make me happy anymore.
I am looking for other options and I’m no longer letting anyone else’s judgements affect what I do in my life.
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