Welcome To The Chaos

I can’t keep listening to you go from crisis to crisis without having an active hand in. These late night calls are just you needing whatever and it needs to change and evolve into something better or it needs to fade back away to nothingness. I can’t give fifty percent, I never could. You never wanted that anyways. But now you are choosing to be the chaotic one, when that was supposed to be my role…

One day I will stop caring. It’s getting to be apathy now. You made you’re bed. Now lie in it. I’m not fucking there. There’s a good chance I will never be there. I’ve made peace with that fact. Why haven’t you?

This is the life you forced upon us. You’re decision not mine. And now you have a lifetime of regret? Guess what? I have none. Not one. Ever. Anything I ever did I did it for the right reasons. No regrets. No remorse.

I don’t need or want you’re validation the same way you seem to crave mine.

There are moments that are cute and have meaning. And that little bit of daylight shines through, but I still can’t trust you… and that’s the whole part of it. It doesn’t matter any other emotion, it’s about trust.

My reality is that I am good with or without in you in my life and I am moving forward and doing things with the assumptions that things will never be the same and we will never fix this so I’m going back to the life and things that used to make me happy. I’m willing to change things on a dime but I don’t expect to. Not anymore.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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