Cowgirl in the Sand.

Baby my life doesn't reach to you

And if you want love so

Unconditional and real

You gotta ride that black horse baby

Through the depths of hell that I've been

Follow me away yeah

I will be the same

Strongest one to name

I don’t sweat you anymore… the simple fact I can walk by all of our homes and feel nothing anymore but nostalgic for a life that never really was, I can live with that. I appreciate that we are civil enough to exchange pleasantries but the reality is I’m not part of your life and you’re not a part of mine. That’s the status quo and there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m not falling down the rabbit hole with no resolution Alice.

But the fact I could offer coffee today is a consideration, I am glad I asked you. Our story isn’t over yet. However we both have other priorities and all I have left to give you is my word. But you have to fix you first same as I had to for myself before we fix each other. You’re not there yet. Maybe one day. But I don’t need you hurting and broken. Some things I can fix some I can’t. History will just repeat. You need to love yourself first before you can love me. I know there is love and affection but right now you just need to know I’ll be there.

That’s where I’m standing. You know what’s next. But you have too meet me there not halfway and not with half truths.

It’s unconditional, but I remeber everything. That’s my curse. Forgiven will never mean completely Forgotten. As much as I love you and as much as I want to love you and have the little bit of what’s left as a family. We aren’t there yet. And just like Courtney said, my life doesn’t reach to you. Just my heart. You’ll always have that.

You are my family. It doesn’t matter where we stand between us. We will always be that. You gave me my child. I and no other man will always be his father even in your eyes. I’ll be here when wanted or needed. But that tie will never go away and you have acknowledged that. I’m just still trying to make us whole, but I need you whole First. I love you always. Unconditional. I’ll be here. Always.

My life doesn’t reach to you tho. As much as i want it to to. Black Horse time Baby. Real soon.

Happy Easter.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world. I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works. You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.

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