Cowgirl in the Sand.

Baby my life doesn't reach to you

And if you want love so

Unconditional and real

You gotta ride that black horse baby

Through the depths of hell that I've been

Follow me away yeah

I will be the same

Strongest one to name

I don’t sweat you anymore… the simple fact I can walk by all of our homes and feel nothing anymore but nostalgic for a life that never really was, I can live with that. I appreciate that we are civil enough to exchange pleasantries but the reality is I’m not part of your life and you’re not a part of mine. That’s the status quo and there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m not falling down the rabbit hole with no resolution Alice.

But the fact I could offer coffee today is a consideration, I am glad I asked you. Our story isn’t over yet. However we both have other priorities and all I have left to give you is my word. But you have to fix you first same as I had to for myself before we fix each other. You’re not there yet. Maybe one day. But I don’t need you hurting and broken. Some things I can fix some I can’t. History will just repeat. You need to love yourself first before you can love me. I know there is love and affection but right now you just need to know I’ll be there.

That’s where I’m standing. You know what’s next. But you have too meet me there not halfway and not with half truths.

It’s unconditional, but I remeber everything. That’s my curse. Forgiven will never mean completely Forgotten. As much as I love you and as much as I want to love you and have the little bit of what’s left as a family. We aren’t there yet. And just like Courtney said, my life doesn’t reach to you. Just my heart. You’ll always have that.

You are my family. It doesn’t matter where we stand between us. We will always be that. You gave me my child. I and no other man will always be his father even in your eyes. I’ll be here when wanted or needed. But that tie will never go away and you have acknowledged that. I’m just still trying to make us whole, but I need you whole First. I love you always. Unconditional. I’ll be here. Always.

My life doesn’t reach to you tho. As much as i want it to to. Black Horse time Baby. Real soon.

Happy Easter.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion. This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut. No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

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