Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Happy birthday son. I tried. Maybe next year. I love you, I hope your enjoying your birthday. I'll always be here, there are gifts waiting.

  I keep being left for fucking dead abd written off but somehow I continue to survive and be a fucking thorn in your side, there must be a reason for that. You might want to try and find out your reasons for that. I survived long before you and there was a reason for that too. You were the happy accident that led to tragedy, me, the government, authority? I hold no illusions i know exactly where I stand and have since the 1980s. There is no free thought in this country, just an agenda.   Is it still paranoia when the paranoiac is absolutely right? I am hypervigilant, I always expect the fucking wolf at the door. My life doesnt improve, it just fucking evolves into yet another monster I have to deal with. Too bad I evolved into a monster to be able to push back agianst it as well. I know exactly who I am and what im capable of. I know im angry. That's not something that will ever truly go the fuck away, but I have reasons for my anger. I always have and things just co...

  I wear my fucking heart on my sleeve, quite literally if you look at the tattoo underneath.. thats the only true person I love, but honestly no one else is going to matter ever. Especially the women in my life that play games and go hot and cold and hide behind their illusions. Im right here, take me as I am, darkness and demons and all or just leave me the fuck alone.. im at peace, I dont need anyone, the only one I need is him... and thats the battle that would have me walk thru Mordor over and over agian. Everyone else in my life is simply a distraction, I am fucking laser focused on that and always have been. I've watched empires fall around me waiting for that change. Maybe one day, but for now ill continue adventuring on my own... thats all I need. I'm at the point in my life I don't care who stays and who leaves and who comes back into my life in this moment. I know who will be there are the end. That's all that matter. Until then I'm good taking this j...

This is my life now. I hope you enjoy the fucking show. Its not over. Ever. Can you not be entertained. You know I start to really consider all the years in the wilderness wandering without doing things, did I really feel the need to be educated and sophisticated and above the things I love or was it a lack of contacts and money? I choose to think it was the latter but then I look at my college and university years and I realize the exact moment everything changed and I settled down. Was it worth it? Every second. But I wonder why ten years ago I was still chasing that dragon. I definitely consider it now that i shouldn't be. I like my distractions. That's part of why my life collapsed. I didnt have them and I held onto the tiny shred of something I can never have for far longer than I ever should have. I'm not a mythological character. When i have stories of the things ive doneits because I've done them and am continuing to do legendary things. That's who I am. Lar...