The Bard's Song: The Hobbit.

I wear my fucking heart on my sleeve, quite literally if you look at the tattoo underneath.. thats the only true person I love, but honestly no one else is going to matter ever. Especially the women in my life that play games and go hot and cold and hide behind their illusions. Im right here, take me as I am, darkness and demons and all or just leave me the fuck alone.. im at peace, I dont need anyone, the only one I need is him... and thats the battle that would have me walk thru Mordor over and over agian.

Everyone else in my life is simply a distraction, I am fucking laser focused on that and always have been. I've watched empires fall around me waiting for that change. Maybe one day, but for now ill continue adventuring on my own... thats all I need. I'm at the point in my life I don't care who stays and who leaves and who comes back into my life in this moment. I know who will be there are the end. That's all that matter. Until then I'm good taking this journey with myself and the ones I love when they are around. No one else needed or invited.

Not all who wander are lost, and I am certainly no longer lost, im just not in search of a destination anymore. There's no fucking point. I'm having fun and the roots i put down have rotted. Any connection I have I can walk away from, in fact I intend to.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

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