Skip to main content

Hope... in Wartime.

While things may have improved with my job in the short term becuase now i am not laid off i am merely on vacation for 2 weeks, it still doesn matter, if this isnt resolved in those two weeks i will still end up unemployed for a while, and knowing my mickey mouse organization they won't know how to deal with this... wait.. they already dont know how to deal with this, but the truth is money talks.. esp. when they are the ones footing the bills... pretty sad that its always about money and whos paying it at my job, but at least i feel a lot more supported by coworkers and even a little by management now, things personally are improving too.. i let off some steam and am feeling a little better, i still cant belive this shit is happeneing and as always with my back up agianst the wall, i'm still militant, still angrily aware of exactly what my circumstances are, and am prepared to defend myself, this is a battle, and its made me realize that in terms of my goals, i'm always going to be fighting wars... to be expected now... but i expected things a lot diffrently when i got into this feild and when i decided to have a child... it sickens me that one is being used to destroy the other, a lesser man would have chosen another option... but not only am I an innocent man, I'm a very strong man and i will not be broken... use whatever you can agianst me.. i just sit here and endure the abuse because i have nothing to hide, and better than you have tried to break me and failed.

Current Mood: Happier, But still Sad.
A pure fighting machine with only a desire - to win a war that someone else lost. And if winning means he has to die - he'll die. No fear, no regrets. And one more thing, what you choose to call hell, he calls home.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...