A little less Empty.

Nothing like having a great time with people i consider family and just hanging out and doing the trick or treat thing and then just chilling all day.... I'm pretty happy and positive right now and the darkness isn't creeping back in yet, it was a good idea to get away and I am seriously considering leaving Hamilton at the end of this ordeal as I am a different person when I am elsewhere, it's somewhat obvious to me that a dark cloud hangs over my head living here, but right now there's no dark cloud because a little fairy princess says to me as i'm getting to leave yesterday... "i'm gonna come visit so your House isn't empty." made my day and probably my month... it's nice to know with everything going on that there are people that care about me and that even a little person who has no idea of the darkness in this world and what I'm dealing with is thoughtful enough to say that to.. sometimes a little sunlight does shine through. My heart, my head and my house are a little less empty today.

Current Mood: Happy.
The soul is healed by being with children.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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