Skip to main content

War Manifesto IV.

Another day of going through the motions towards a resolution, but today advances me a few steps more forward to the actual end of this battle. One more thing i'm required to do for the courts is done, and while it was boring as fuck.. it's done. as i sat in the courtroom i recollected all the things i had done and felt stronger about what i'm going to do.. there's no reason for me to have any remorse or regret about her, and there's no point dwelling on it... i've already made a vow to myself never to speak to her agian, and while i may be angry there's no point in ever allowing her to have any space in my emotions agian. it's time to be cool and hard and cunning like i know how to be. i've turned into her instead of being compassionate and having feeling and trying to feel what she feels, but right now, if i have to hate to bring forth the anger then let it be. it's better than feeling nothing. The process has begun and it is fueled by a lot more than anger, i just have to remember that and the fact that their are people that stand behind me every second of the way. Reading that my name means the people's victory today is a little more light shined upon me as well.

Current Mood: Determined.
Wars come and go, but my soldiers stay eternal.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...