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...From Hell

I am sick of waiting for the Chess game that is my life to end.. there has to be another move, things are changing.. but i am losing patience with all of the players and all of the fucking bullshit involved.. I have yet to move and don't even have the keys and i have zero tolerance right now for the older place and my things still there.. hopefully tonight one way or another I will get them out but playing politics about money and my time is never a good idea.. i have to get moved and I have to have a safe place for when my little boy comes home.. it's not about anything else...I can withstand a million things until that happens but i am slowly poisoning myself with the passage of time with this infernal waiting.. nothing like the world passing you by while you are doing nothing.... and you can do nothing.... the patience level is low.

Current Mood: Angry.
I'm beginning to think it's easier to scare people than to make them laugh.

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The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.