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Red Water (Christmas Mourning) II

I am too old to be this miserable... but I have decided to make some positive change and maybe allow some other kids to enjoy the mountain of crap at my house.. 90% of it is replaceable and I would rather see it get used than to collect dust... I just can't deal with this depression in my fucking life anymore.. this holiday makes me feel the most miserable, even when there is a little spark of light it still seems like everything is falling apart... I'm so angry and so hurting and I miss him so fucking terribly... I'm not happy here alone... It's so difficult being alone and without him this time of year.... this will not fucking happen again... I will make the most of the holiday but i cannot deal with the absence of a very Important part of my soul especially during the winter solstice...

Current Mood: Depressed.
Christmas makes everything twice as sad.

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