Skip to main content

Ghosts of War IV

I am becoming a happier person even tho Sunday was probaly one of the most depressing fucking days of my life... all these Happy memories eradicated because of one person's selfishness.. but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am prepared for the final battle, I just need to look around me and see who is a good person in my life and who isn't. it's not about who I am, it's not about who I used to be. it's too bad that one person can't see past her highly imaginary self centered view of life to care about anyone but herself. that's what hurts the most... Missing memories really get's into my head and I know damn well that i'm not the only one hurting because of it... in fact i'm not even the most important one hurting as a result... but the pain still stings. it's time for me to get what needs to be done and change things and bring things back to the reality that they need to be and not this reality that has been created. There are a lot of times I want to give up and go somewhere back to somewhere that's safe and secure for my mindspace, where you don't get to occupy space Like Windsor... and that's always an escape option that I keep in my back pocket like a parachute... But the current reality is that I have to fight this battle until it's over, or he's of age... whichever comes first... I am not about to abandon him because of petty little games and selfishness... I will suffer here than be Happy elsewhere. I always have the back door back into a Life without Him, But without Him that Life is merely Fucking empty.

Current Mood: Sad,Angry, Determined.
All men have limits. They learn what they are and learn not to exceed them. I ignore mine.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more