Dark Energon III: Urban Legend of Zelda.

The patience level is so not there lately nut i go thru days where i can get annoyed, depressed and angry and just sit around do nothing... and this gig is stressing me out but i am not even fucking blinking at expressing myself when I'm being pressured... even superman has fucking limits and I'm not even Clark Kent... the more i see of my angrier dark side that i usually use for strength but of late i am feeling spiraling out of control and i know where the anger and hate is mostly directed... Most of the time it's directed with laser pinpoint fucking accuracy at the one or two people that are not part of my life but it is frustrating that people in my life that i do care about but can walk away from need reminders to get their shit together and not be affecting my mental health... I'm not a big fan of starving and when someone asks me to do something make sure it's worth my while.. I fucking hate being poor, But i can survive being poor on my own when I'm responsible for my own actions, when i have to look after someone Else's behaviors or demands, there's an answer for that.. it involves a fucking middle finger straight up. I have enough people to hate in this life time.. and it's hard enough to keep my fucking demons at bay.... and the fire in my heart to continue.. to do the things that matter, everything else is just added distraction or inconvenience.

Current Mood: Determined.
Current Music: Eminem, Stronger than I was.
If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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