Dark Energon III: Urban Legend of Zelda.

The patience level is so not there lately nut i go thru days where i can get annoyed, depressed and angry and just sit around do nothing... and this gig is stressing me out but i am not even fucking blinking at expressing myself when I'm being pressured... even superman has fucking limits and I'm not even Clark Kent... the more i see of my angrier dark side that i usually use for strength but of late i am feeling spiraling out of control and i know where the anger and hate is mostly directed... Most of the time it's directed with laser pinpoint fucking accuracy at the one or two people that are not part of my life but it is frustrating that people in my life that i do care about but can walk away from need reminders to get their shit together and not be affecting my mental health... I'm not a big fan of starving and when someone asks me to do something make sure it's worth my while.. I fucking hate being poor, But i can survive being poor on my own when I'm responsible for my own actions, when i have to look after someone Else's behaviors or demands, there's an answer for that.. it involves a fucking middle finger straight up. I have enough people to hate in this life time.. and it's hard enough to keep my fucking demons at bay.... and the fire in my heart to continue.. to do the things that matter, everything else is just added distraction or inconvenience.

Current Mood: Determined.
Current Music: Eminem, Stronger than I was.
If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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