Seven Voices of Hate

Sometimes i wonder what is left... when i am seriously asking questions and giving directions i suddenly fucking wonder what's left.. what haven't the vultures torn from my soul... that little bit of goodness that remains is in my chest and in my heart and it's is all that i have left, the rest of my core my soul, it's consumed by hatred. I wonder if the fire of my hatred is equal to the fire of hatred in your soul...regardless of what i do in this life or what i have done I am always going to have anger and hate in my soul, there's is almost nothing else left.. why am I sitting here fighting fucking battles when all i can see at the end of the day is no fucking resolution, ever. this hell will continue, i can endure the next 7 1/2 years of this hell but why the fuck should i have to... the price of just merely survival is way too fucking high, and I would have gladly done so a few years back when I had him in my arms, now what's the point why do I bother? nothing's ever going to change... it's only going to get worse... and the reality is that this is the game... i looked into my worst fears today and the reality is nothing is being done, it's all lip service, the next thing that will happen is that she will disappear completely and then i will never get him back, and unfortunately in this bizarre game of psychotic chess that we seem to be playing that's the next move...

Current Mood: Anger and Hate.
To truly hate is an art one learns with time.

The only thing sadder than hateful people’s willingness to drag us down to their level, is our willingness to oblige.

I don’t understand hate. I’ve seen its power. I’ve known its wrath. I’ve even felt it coursing through my veins, pushing me on. But I don’t know where it comes from or why it lasts, how it can take hold in some people and grow.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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