Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead Walk beside me… just be my friend One of the things that makes my life more bearable is that I have amazing fuckin friends, made even clearer by the last two weeks, the current wave of positivity I'm feeling was made possible by my best friend in the world, and I do mean that, it's epic this friendship has endured and even in our darkest hours it has endured, that means something, that means a lot. The fact that we have had amazing adventures together and done things in a matter of days most people hardly do in a lifetime, will always be things to treasure, but more than that his company, his jokes, looking over my shoulder at my best friend and constantly cracking wise will be missed for a while, but hopefully not for too long, it's time to make plans for a brighter future, I have options, more than I thought I did before, time to make use of some of them.... I would have the happy times,

Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is "timing" it waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way I am not surprised by today's news, you are stalling and we are playing the waiting game.. it's unsurprising that you play this game and continue to play this fucking game.. your actions are constantly predictable... it's just unsettling to the dark areas that my mind goes thru, but when this is all has been set and done at this point it will have been six long fucking years, experiences that i can never have with my son, that's what you have taken away, i can't believe that you have such disrespect for the family court system you used to take him away from and destroy my relationship with that you didn't even bother the last two times.. it shows your true lack of respect for anything but yourself, I'm not surprised at all. i know that your agenda will always be to waste time and to l

I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him... And never let him go.... It is both amazing, and incredibly sad that one of my friends that understands me most is on another continent.. the last two weeks have been amazing and I had trouble walking away from the airport once again and I cannot wait to enjoy his company again.. even when things didn't go right we still made the most of it and had a blast.. i am really glad that over these years he has been there for me, and the fact that i have done the same for him speaks to probably one of my most enduring friendships.. I didn't want him to go.. and i hope he gets home warm and safely... i am reflecting on my life and things like the experiences shared with him and am probably going to make some changes in my life... but it's about the things we've done.. and i have had some of the most seriously amazing experiences in my life once again with him... i hope he feels the same way... now it'

There are days and memories that remind me of the man and the father that I am, what my family did for me for my birthday speaks so much louder than words, and matters so fucking much. I am a good father, a good friend and a good man, the people I love and that choose to love me are testament to that. The fact that I have adventures along the way that others take as at the least exaggeration, and others claim that I am just fucking lying? That's bullshit, if I said I did something I did it, I've lived a charmed and epic life full of great moments, tonight was one if those, seeing a superhero film I had watched filmed on young street where I once live as a homeless youth, that was lightning in a bottle, seeing a movie filmed with my best friend from England on it's last night which was my last epic surprise, having him come back to see it with me in the theater, that speaks to friendship and character. Which if course I have none of, that's sarcasm BTW. Only one thing c

I'll kill you and your dreams tonight Begin new life Bleed your death upon me Let your bloodline feed my youth It is nice that when I was 19 and agian when I was 39 the night before my fortieth birthday that I got to see one of my favorite heavy metal bands, it's even Awesome that I got to spend it with one of my best freinds in the entire world, all the way from merry old England, that means a shit load to me, not that I'd ever tell him that, it makes some of the pain go away, and doing incredible things and making memories is the best way to live, living well is the best revenge, always, nothing more to be said. I am living in the moment, always have always will, and always by my rules and my rules alone, never bogged down by anyone else's bullshit, I face life and adversities on my terms, and I stand my ground, and little things like last night remind me to fucking enjoy my life... That's not everything has been taken away, and who I am at my core, I'm

Sport the war, war support The sport is war, total war When victory's a massacre The final swing is not a drill It's how many people I can kill There are a lot of conflicting emotions right now swimming around in my head, I'm both happy and excited about spending two weeks with my best freind and having crazy adventures and I am angry and bitter because the one thing i want most for my fucking birthday I won't have, I've been silent for a while on here for a reason because of that anger, I didn't want that bitch inside my mind, but you know what fuck it, I'm turning 40 tommorow, I'm gonna fucking enjoy it and live my life like i always have with no fucking regrets and No Remorse. i don't like the shitty hand i've been dealt but I can roll the dice, Nothing's over while I'm breathing and the fact i am and will be celebrating turning 40 tommorow, means i'm breathing, and it's with a lot of reluctance i say that because 20 year