Skip to main content

The 40th day: Part Two.


I'll kill you and your dreams tonight
Begin new life
Bleed your death upon me
Let your bloodline feed my youth


It is nice that when I was 19 and agian when I was 39 the night before my fortieth birthday that I got to see one of my favorite heavy metal bands, it's even Awesome that I got to spend it with one of my best freinds in the entire world, all the way from merry old England, that means a shit load to me, not that I'd ever tell him that, it makes some of the pain go away, and doing incredible things and making memories is the best way to live, living well is the best revenge, always, nothing more to be said. I am living in the moment, always have always will, and always by my rules and my rules alone, never bogged down by anyone else's bullshit, I face life and adversities on my terms, and I stand my ground, and little things like last night remind me to fucking enjoy my life... That's not everything has been taken away, and who I am at my core, I'm always gonna be him, the death metal warrior fighting for what he believes in, for who he loves, and for the child he can't live without. That's who I am, that's who I'll always be, and it can never be taken away from me, despite others best attempts. I haven't changed, I'm still that 19 year old kid in the pit in the 95 slayer show. Yesterday I was that kid, 39 years old crowd surfing my fat ass flying threw a crowd at an old school metal show. I have not fucking changed. I will not change, I'm happy being exactly who I am. You cannot get much fucking better than a few friends, some kick ass music and my fat ass flying through the crowd in a mosh pit.... And this is just the beginning.

Knowing that there are people that love me out there, despite all the drama swirling around in all our lives, that's worth more to me than any physical gift I could get, there's just the one little guy missing. Coming home to what I did was the cherry on the birthday cupcake, I truly do have the best family and freinds in my life, and little things like a happy ray of sunshine calling to wish happy birthday to me those are things I can hold onto, things that matter. That makes my life worthwhile. I am very happy right now and I want that emotion to continue.

Current Mood: Happy.

I am the first not the last
Condemned by a single kiss
Betrayed eternally I'll rip inside your soul
Contaminating the world
Defying god and son
Black heart that brings your death
Living in infamy

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more