The 40th day: Part Two.

I'll kill you and your dreams tonight
Begin new life
Bleed your death upon me
Let your bloodline feed my youth

It is nice that when I was 19 and agian when I was 39 the night before my fortieth birthday that I got to see one of my favorite heavy metal bands, it's even Awesome that I got to spend it with one of my best freinds in the entire world, all the way from merry old England, that means a shit load to me, not that I'd ever tell him that, it makes some of the pain go away, and doing incredible things and making memories is the best way to live, living well is the best revenge, always, nothing more to be said. I am living in the moment, always have always will, and always by my rules and my rules alone, never bogged down by anyone else's bullshit, I face life and adversities on my terms, and I stand my ground, and little things like last night remind me to fucking enjoy my life... That's not everything has been taken away, and who I am at my core, I'm always gonna be him, the death metal warrior fighting for what he believes in, for who he loves, and for the child he can't live without. That's who I am, that's who I'll always be, and it can never be taken away from me, despite others best attempts. I haven't changed, I'm still that 19 year old kid in the pit in the 95 slayer show. Yesterday I was that kid, 39 years old crowd surfing my fat ass flying threw a crowd at an old school metal show. I have not fucking changed. I will not change, I'm happy being exactly who I am. You cannot get much fucking better than a few friends, some kick ass music and my fat ass flying through the crowd in a mosh pit.... And this is just the beginning.

Knowing that there are people that love me out there, despite all the drama swirling around in all our lives, that's worth more to me than any physical gift I could get, there's just the one little guy missing. Coming home to what I did was the cherry on the birthday cupcake, I truly do have the best family and freinds in my life, and little things like a happy ray of sunshine calling to wish happy birthday to me those are things I can hold onto, things that matter. That makes my life worthwhile. I am very happy right now and I want that emotion to continue.

Current Mood: Happy.

I am the first not the last
Condemned by a single kiss
Betrayed eternally I'll rip inside your soul
Contaminating the world
Defying god and son
Black heart that brings your death
Living in infamy

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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