Skip to main content

The 40th Day III: Suicide Squad


There are days and memories that remind me of the man and the father that I am, what my family did for me for my birthday speaks so much louder than words, and matters so fucking much. I am a good father, a good friend and a good man, the people I love and that choose to love me are testament to that. The fact that I have adventures along the way that others take as at the least exaggeration, and others claim that I am just fucking lying? That's bullshit, if I said I did something I did it, I've lived a charmed and epic life full of great moments, tonight was one if those, seeing a superhero film I had watched filmed on young street where I once live as a homeless youth, that was lightning in a bottle, seeing a movie filmed with my best friend from England on it's last night which was my last epic surprise, having him come back to see it with me in the theater, that speaks to friendship and character. Which if course I have none of, that's sarcasm BTW. Only one thing could have made this experience better, and that time will come.

In the near future I need to make some hard and fast decisions about my next steps. But the fact that I have some moments where the light truly shined in, will make some of those thunderous footsteps of change in my life seem a little simpler. I do know and understand what it takes to be truly happy, and I'm sick of these little rays of sunshine being the little breaks in the darkness, it's time to face the sun on a regular basis, it's time to be happy, it's time to stop dwelling and living in the past. Live for today, you don't know what tomorrow brings... I'm grateful for my family and friends, I haven't had this much fun or been this happy in a long while. There are simply amazing things that need to be done and enjoyed, and sometimes in these moments I just need to savor the fine wine that is the great moments in my life and not fucking dwell on the bitter taste of the rest of it.

Current Mood: Happy.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...