Skip to main content

The 40th Day III: Suicide Squad


There are days and memories that remind me of the man and the father that I am, what my family did for me for my birthday speaks so much louder than words, and matters so fucking much. I am a good father, a good friend and a good man, the people I love and that choose to love me are testament to that. The fact that I have adventures along the way that others take as at the least exaggeration, and others claim that I am just fucking lying? That's bullshit, if I said I did something I did it, I've lived a charmed and epic life full of great moments, tonight was one if those, seeing a superhero film I had watched filmed on young street where I once live as a homeless youth, that was lightning in a bottle, seeing a movie filmed with my best friend from England on it's last night which was my last epic surprise, having him come back to see it with me in the theater, that speaks to friendship and character. Which if course I have none of, that's sarcasm BTW. Only one thing could have made this experience better, and that time will come.

In the near future I need to make some hard and fast decisions about my next steps. But the fact that I have some moments where the light truly shined in, will make some of those thunderous footsteps of change in my life seem a little simpler. I do know and understand what it takes to be truly happy, and I'm sick of these little rays of sunshine being the little breaks in the darkness, it's time to face the sun on a regular basis, it's time to be happy, it's time to stop dwelling and living in the past. Live for today, you don't know what tomorrow brings... I'm grateful for my family and friends, I haven't had this much fun or been this happy in a long while. There are simply amazing things that need to be done and enjoyed, and sometimes in these moments I just need to savor the fine wine that is the great moments in my life and not fucking dwell on the bitter taste of the rest of it.

Current Mood: Happy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more