Skip to main content

The 40th Day

Sport the war, war support
The sport is war, total war
When victory's a massacre
The final swing is not a drill
It's how many people I can kill


There are a lot of conflicting emotions right now swimming around in my head, I'm both happy and excited about spending two weeks with my best freind and having crazy adventures and I am angry and bitter because the one thing i want most for my fucking birthday I won't have, I've been silent for a while on here for a reason because of that anger, I didn't want that bitch inside my mind, but you know what fuck it, I'm turning 40 tommorow, I'm gonna fucking enjoy it and live my life like i always have with no fucking regrets and No Remorse. i don't like the shitty hand i've been dealt but I can roll the dice, Nothing's over while I'm breathing and the fact i am and will be celebrating turning 40 tommorow, means i'm breathing, and it's with a lot of reluctance i say that because 20 years ago or so i never figured I'd have a family or hit forty, i figured i would have flamed out in a blaze of glory a long time ago, the thing is, true surviors they rise from the ashes, like a death metal phoenix, I may have burned in a blaze of glory, but i survived and im still here, still fucking standing still fighting... for the things i want, foe the people I love, above all, for my son, Because he should be here with me right now, and he is not. i don't mind burning out, But I will Never fade away.

Current Mood: Excited, Angry.

Propaganda war ensemble
Burial to be
Bones shining in the night
In blood laced misery
Campaign of elimination
Twisted psychology
When victory is to survive
And death is defeat


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.