Anyone that wants to be an emotional or financial drain on my fucking life can kindly find the fucking door and see your way out if my life. I'm fucking done pretending to give a damn about anyone hut myself and my immediate family and loved ones. Its becoming very clear that I am being manipulated by people who are barely in orbit in my fucking life.
I don't do well with this time of fucking year and I can get violently sad, yet its the same fucking voices in my ear telling me how much worse or better there life is. I don't care. My life just Is. Its all I want it to be but I'm getting real fucking sick if being other's sounding board and emotional support animal.
That privilege is reserved for only one woman and to be honest, right now im not speaking to her, and I'm also not angry at her. But she the one person that gets carte blanche to treat me like that. The only person. Feeling like I am a crutch for others to lean on and justify themselves and their bullshit.
I will fuck you off without a word and pretend you dont fucking exist to me. Period. I have enough skeletons ratting around in whatever is left of my soul, i dont need anyone else's added demons.
I think the best course of action is to withdraw and become nothing to those that drag me down. At the end if the day I know who of those persons will be standing with me, dancing with me in the ruins of my life. And who will dance in the fire with me afterwards.
Those who won't be don't get to reserve any judgement on me ever. Especially when they don't even have their own lives in order.
Im trying to keep mine together. I'm struggling and I'm trying to do it on my own and take care of another human being who needs and is deserving of my help. But these associates who are stealing my fucking energy need to be gone.
None of you at the end of the day bring anything to my table except a hand begging for scraps.
And I have nothing more to give. Nil.
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