Skip to main content

The War at Home.


So it looks like I'm definitely looking for a new apartment seeing how these cocksuckers are playing games like putting a dead bolt at 1 am when my son is sleeping and serving me paperwork as leaving to go to st. catherines to pick him up. and then serving me court papers before i even get a chance to get some fucking legal advice. same excuse as last time, i'm either getting a new place in the next two weeks or i am going to tie this shit up in court for a while, Wanna see me turn into a hell rider? if it wasn't for my job and my kid i would almost go fucking transient agian, i mean every fucking minute except for one month in this aptement i have been working mostly overnight and then this cocksucking bullshit since december? can't wait till they end up renting to a real fucking crackhead and someone burns down the place... fucking assholes... had to put the wagon in his room for fear they would toss it if i left it outside. not fucking impressed with anything right now.. oh and i'm losing shifts at work bigtime too...

Oh and on the job front.... a month ago i had a clear fucking picture of what was going on in my life and where i was going... now there is so much fucking bullshit swirling the toilet i don't know what the fuck to think... i mean two people that got hired or came back from vacation are getting the bulk of my shifts what the fuck is that? and they are expecting loyalty and me to be aviliable on call? what if i feel like getting smashed and therefor unaviliable for work.. do i have to wait till 11 every night to find out if i'm needed at work that day for an afternoon or evening shift? what the fuck? i do some hell shifts and cover agian for people and this how the fuck I am repaid... goddamnit i need to find something permanent and full time... i'm not getting fucked over like last time where i work like dog and without acceptable time off to sleep and then given a pink slip, that happens and I start to see the writing on the wall i'm gone before i get fucked over. already starting to feel Used. I love my job but there are serious questions and issues there recently that need to be addressed. I will not crucify myself and be a martyr for my mental health for a few more bucks in my pocket agian, i need to have balance in my life and not confusion about when and if i am working... i did give up other employment for this job.

Current Mood: Used and thrown away.
Current Music: Hero of the Day, Metallica.
Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.