Only the weak succumb to brutality

I have absolutely No idea what the next step is. i have been on the best footing of my life and very grounded for the last little while and then agents of choas start breaking that all down. i start missing places and people that should be little more than mist in the rear veiw mirror but i desperatley want to be around them agian,m y life is complicated but it's a good kind of complicated. granted i should have likely done the barbarian thing many moons ago and done or been whatever is expected but that's not me, i'd rather wait.. and wait.. and be patient.. and also confused. I can be the feirce warrior if that's whats needed but i am trying to figure things out in my own mind about everything right now, so many intangibles and factors that i am wondering where tommorow leads... i'm used to being alone and keeping people at an arms distance, it's a defense mechanism, and when one decides to invade that space violently and won't let go i am unsure how to handle it. i'm used to being the wrecking ball always being the one being in someone elses space positively or negatively. right now i just want to take a step back and look around. figuring everything out is easy, it just takes time.

I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away

Current Mood: regretful.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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