Skip to main content

Arma-God Damn-Mother Fuckin'-Geddon


We are Not impressed. it seems that certian priorities are extremely fucked up. I cannot belive this shit and it seems i should be examining my options esp. career wise. i did not fight this fucking hard to get where i have gotten to have it made a mockery of by bad planning and business decisions. i am very frustrated and that is something that should not be. i work very hard and the existance of freetime is a joke. i need to go back to some of my originals writings and essays and find some balance within them.. i need to reexamine my ethics and beliefs and get back to a place i am comfortable instead of being dictated to by superiors who don't have a clue, i know the ministry guidelines a lot better than most, and i need to go back and read my opions and facts on them to get back to a place i feel fucking comfortable becuase right now i don't feel that way... and this is not a one burned out day this is a contuinal process.. and i am coping with it the only way i know how and that's with DEMON ALCOHOL... and i know it's unhealthy... but seeing how i can't breathe much less have any time to hang around my support circles it's the only option. sleep, work, slep at work, get bitched at, deal with issues, work, sleep. welcome to my life.. it sucks.. not as bad as it used but i am not impressed to be working a weekend i have my son and the first fucking thing I hear in the morning is fucking bullshit about cleaning when I have been doing it all morning and it is not part of my job description they need to fucking pay me better if they want molly maid at 7 am. as i said before... Priorities are skewed... but then agian.. i need to reexamine everything and make noise... i have a voice i fucking use it... this is the job i want but i've gotta get more agressive in more ways than one... but i am not going to sacrifice my morals, ethics and beliefs for the job.. i may love this job and in a way it's a dream job.. but i won't sacrifice everything else for a paycheque.. if i see something wrong i deal with it.

Current Mood: Frustrated. (i should not feel this way all the time after work, esp. in this feild.)

when all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed..

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...