Shattered Dreams.

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

I am really starting to question my role at work. either i'm not doing enough or I am doing too much... i am started to wonder when the dream and all the hope i had for my career turned into a mere survival skill...i mean i keep my mouth shut when things are done that question my ethics and i wonder if I am doing the right thing myself when I do what I am told.. it is obvious that this place is just a start point a jumping off point for something better somewhere down the line... i care about these kids and i want to see them do well but i am starting to get bogged down by bullshit office politics and the nonsense that seems to surrorund two seperate feifdoms... the fact that i had to struggle for shifts all summer doesn't help my outlook much either.. i don't think i'm going to fix the system anymore.. but i was hoping to make a diffrence in some kids lives.. right now i don't feel thats happeneing because of the enviorment i am working in... i do not feel supported by my staff at all... esp. when i am training first years who get better fucking hours than i do.

Current Mood: disapointed.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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