He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask) V: 2013 edition

It's Nice to be home, Nothing like taking a few days of just doing nothing at all and chilling and seeing old freinds and settling into old behaviors to distract from the ongoing darkness in my life...I was at my best here, and I still fit the mold, I could go back to the person i was in an instant, thing's havent changed here for me like they have everywhere else... my social circle was and is here, these are people that stand by me all thru my life, just like my family members...this is where I grew up and I could eaily slip back into being a university student and hanging out In a millisecond and finish things left undone If i chose to.. there are always going to be options here for me... I know exactly why i left but I also know this will always be a safe place and even more this is a safe place should I choose to return after the battle is over with what i hold most precious.... This is home... I know that regardless of anything that happens now in the rest of my life i can always come back here and be judged on my person and the character that I am, the freind that I am, and the Man that I was and still Am, I haven't changed, My circumstances Have.

Current Mood: Happy.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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