Skip to main content

The Rage....

I Am feeling nostaligic and looking back as much as I am looking forward to things... I can remeber that there is always a purpose, there was one when when i was here... there is still one now... not everything has been taken away from me... while the last month has been dark for everyone around that month is over.. the time of mourning is through it's time to move forward... while i may do it with a heavier heart and with conflicting feelings, it still needs to be done... I'm not the One that took everything away... I have safe places to be, I have a history of being the person that I am, I haven't changed, Circumstances around me have.. and that's it... i come here and feel ten years younger... it's been 10 years since the year I had complete freedom and owed nothing to No one because I wasn't aware that i had responsibilties, as I sit on my street and wonder about things, i remeber you not I have always made the choices to do things.... 10 years ago I was free and had no responsibilities to you by your choice, Nine years ago you made a choice to involve me agian, and you should know my character, when it come's to family... I'm never ever going to fucking back down, espcially in regard to my children. i Can come back here in a minute and abandon everything but right now for a number of reasons that's not an option... that and the whole fact i have no intention of Failing... I'm Not afraid to fail, But I Don't know how to i never have known how... I'll Fight until there is no other option left. Always have.

Current Mood: Nostalgic.
I don't like to fail. I hate to fail. But I'm not afraid of it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you. 
Post a Comment
Read more