Leaving On A Jet Plane...

Once Agian I am leaving windsor, Not quite on a jet plane but on train, I am once agian leaving home, it's nice to come back here for the constant reminder of exaclty who the fuck I am, and who I always have been. there are little things like the car in leddy library that keep me grounded and remind me exactly why I left and what's more important, but knowing that there is alwys going to be the possibility of return to exactly the place i feel most at home is a great a feeling... there are not many places in Ontario where i can be randomly walking up california street and have someone call out my old Nickname and it's someone I know and two minutes later we are cracking jokes about or respective hockey teams... there are reasons i put down roots here, there are reason this was place I went from being a teenager to becoming a serious adult. My responsibilties aren't here but My freinds are. this is always the place that i'm going to come back to, Mostly to remeber exactly who i am, that person, my Character.. Exactly who I am, even broken and beaten that person has and will never change.. I'm better than that.. I just needed a reminder.

Current Mood: Depressed
Current Music: Adele, Someone like You.
You can take my life, but you'll never break me.
So bring me your worst...
And I will definitely give you mine.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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