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Shattered Illusions II

I am fucking frustrated, today is not coming together the way I planned and last minute decisions by more than one person makes me wonder why the hell I try and haven't packed up and said fuck everything and gone back to Windsor...or elsewhere. I am sick of fighting to keep food on my table and in my stomach when almost everything i have has been taken away from em and the one good thing that hasn't always becomes an issue and an battle.. fuck it... next time i have a big show I'll do things solo and without asking for help. i don't like supposed fucking friends that are supposed to show up and then bail at the last minute...when they are the ones that want to go more than I do... I don't like having a ton of stuff in my basement packed up and prepared for something only to get told well maybe they're will be enough room...I have had to plan this out for weeks... this is not some little bullshit show.. this is THE show.. it's very frustrating to have things fall apart at the last minute because it seems like the only one that cared to do any planning is me... this will help with legal fees and things i need to be able to provide in the coming month, it took me long enough to save up for the one thing.. but that's not the only thing needed on the table... at this point I really don't give a shit... be with me or be against me... But when it comes down to it.. i have things I need to do to get paid... and to provide and as much as I can possibly do that, i will with or without help. Serves me fucking right for getting excited about anything or thinking today would possibly go at all fucking smoothly... in my life shit like that doesn't happen.

Current Mood: Frustrated.
I finally faced the fact that it isn't a crime not having friends. Being alone means you have fewer problems.

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