War Journal VI: Another Kind Of Evil....

I am sick of fighting battles, and I am sick of doing the right fucking thing and having it blow up in my fucking face. i might as well move back to Windsor and forgot that i ever had a fucking life outside of fucking drinking alcohol and partying with my friends and busking... because it almost fucking seems like that is all i fucking have left. My life is a shitstorm and it's not fucking fair. I am losing my fucking mind again over something that i have been trained to do... what the fucking hell.... maybe i need to seriously consider walking away and letting her win, if not i'll just end up homeless and fucking destitute the longer I stay in Hamilton... i'd rather be poor and drunk in Windsor than homeless and creating chaos in other peoples lives here. I am sick of fighting this never ending battle and never fucking getting ahead.... I am finally getting ahead in my own battle and then this kind of fucking shit happens... it's never going to stop, these people want fucking war... they will get fucking war. there is no reason i should be fearing for my life and the lives of others right now...

Current Mood: Angry.

In normal times, evil would be fought by good. But in times like these, well, it should be fought by another kind of evil.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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