Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

So all the piles of fucking garbage are gone and I am one step closer to divorcing myself from this mess of an income the last year has wraught, it has served it's purpose but it is time for it to be done, the fact that while yesterday payment was upfront and apprecited it clouded over the fact that other payment's are still owing which is a fucking joke... it's all about what the hell can you do for me lately, and it no longer serves my purposes minus the last big payout in a week or so... there are too many smoke and mirror games going on and I am still feeling very much taken advantage of and it's time for me to focus on the things that are important i have a war and a battle to fight and this is becoming more of distraction, I have real issues that are taking precidence, and they are frustrating as well.. i mean some so called cop has PTSD? What the fuck have my last few years been? I mean I grew up in the system in a warzone... and because of some fake and pathetic

This summer is the place for a lot of endings, including both of the things that have been my driving force for the last few years... one has served it's purpose and has been corrupted by greed and the sad fact that i'm not the kind of person that is at all forgiving when you take things from me without payment, esp. when it's me doing all the work and doing all the sacrifice. and the other simply needed to eventually end you can't fight a battle forever, you can however still try to stall using your deceptions all long as you can, go ahead... it gives me more fucking ammunition against you, it's your chess move, your epic fail. it saddens me that their have now been two transformer's movies and god knows how many toys i have sold that my son has never seen with me... the time will return for cool things.. but it's frustrating that certain things have to be the way that they are.. but it is time for everything to end, one way or another.. All battles have se

Thing's are getting Interesting, nothing like when lies and decepticon are about to blow up in your fucking face, there is a reason i leave things till they actually are needed, why create an issue when there doesn't need to be one, it's much better to choose your moments and make the situation work for you. No more games, No more of any of your excuses and bullshit, there's nothing you can hide behind here, it's going into the final end game and the more games you attempt to play the further you damn yourself, I have no problem's being judged for my behavior and action and my Actions speak for themselves, you don't think when it comes to the school board that both of us have connections to i can't do exactly what is needed? It's not about who I am, it's about what I do and how i go about doing it..I'm not the crazy, paranoid one playing mental mind games, all i seek is the information that is due to me and to be able to protect my son, once

It is very clear this toy bullshit is Ending, and it's it is even more clear that i may be the one getting fucked over and getting the short end of the stick after losing quite a lot to the last year of this bullshit...I am fed up with it anyhow, it was at one point a neccasry evil but at this point decisions are being made to delibrately stab me in the back, and i don't like the icy feel of a cold knife behind me. this has never been the easiest experince for me and the rewards are no longer there, I am stick around for one more big pay day and then I am fucking done... i don't have the patience for a little egotistical man who only thinks about himself, I have enough of that type of personailty in my life without having to deal with one finacally for my livelyhood. it's not about the toys or the money anymore, it's about survival and pride and this fucking bullshit takes away from other things i could be doing... I am much happier hanging out in the summer sun try

For today, in the name of freedom, we take the battle to her. It's time to end this, there are some clear things on the road ahead and it's very clear that at this point in this game that things will end this summer one way or another, it's going to be very interesting at this point what the end game ends up being, but it is coming, there is no stopping it now, at least for now I am focused on the end game and for every ending i am prepared at the end of the day it is about one person, only one person, not me, not her, only him... i didn't create this war but i will see it thru to the end and the unevitable conclusion, for too long things have been stalled, today, the future that ends... it's about doing the right thing by him, and only that, it's not about anger anymore or hatred, only the part I was born to play, Being his father, nothing else... I made a phone call today that I was very afraid to make but it is time to get past my fears and past my hatred an

I am not sure of the next step But I do Know that at this Point it's time for me to take the driver's seat and make things exactly to the letter How I want them to be, Sometimes I feel, esp right Now that Only I can see the final Goal, exactly what needs to be done and how, There have been nessacary evil's in my life and soon they will be a thing of the past, much as this last court battle that has spanned 9 of his eleven years... Reflecting back the other day on it i thought... I have been at war with you for most of his young life... is that the legacy we leave behind and teach our child....?? at least he will know from me, i never walked away and I never backed down not from you, Not from the System, not from the courts, Not from Anyone, No fear in these eyes, No fear in this heart. there's is only black and white now and what is right and what is wrong, I have no fear going forward, there is NO FATE BUT WHAT WE MAKE..... and i am quite certain at this point when thi

I need to focus and finish the game, there is nothing left... anything that has been a necessary evil until recently has been just that.it's time to let that end post july and focus on greater things... I know that sometimes i'm not perfect in my life and It's time to wage the only battle i know how and reach it's final conclusion. there is only the one thing left.I should never need to remind myself of that, It should always be forefront of my mind... Of late i have been a little lost, whether it be the toy thing or the sadness of my life and the ruin of my current social life... it's the only thing left.. i have a pattern of self destruction in my life but the one thing i have never done wrong is fighting for my son, as long as my heart beats that will never change. it's not about me, it's never going to be about me. the other things in my life have been distractions but it's time to take things to the the next step the last step, time to end this fu

Sometime's it has to be about yourself. I'm done breaking my back and causing problems in my own life for other's for their finacial gain, i have one big blow out show left in me for this stupid plastic transformer's shit and then I am fucking gonzo, yesterday was a revealation about how little a few so called freinds care about me. it's time to look out for myself and only myself, there is no reason for me to do back breaking work without reward.... it's one thing to work for a few bucks but being told i can't get paid for the day is fucking bullshit and it's happened too many times in the past.. meanwhile i watch you buy fucking stupid shit without any though to my expenses... It's time to look out for myself and only for myself, as I said yesterday in this blog i have holy wars to fight.. this nonsense is going into the back room and being forgot about for a month and after july it's gone... I am fuckin done with this horseshit. it's not a

It's time to fucking be done with this plastic Shit, it's causing way too many personal fucking issues... I'll choose the people I love over money any day of the fucking week... and when the whole fucking bullshit of going to a show and doing all the fucking work isn't even enough to give me enough for a pack of cigarette's and a big mac, fuck it... done. I have no fucking doubt that my so called business partner has stolen from me on more than one occasion and i'm done... there's no point to this shit anymore... time to fucking walk away and be done with it... it was a necessary evil for a long while but like everything in my life it has caused me more strife and upset that it is fucking worth, and i'm not about to sweat bucket's and not have my hard work rewarded, today was bullshit and showed the true fucking side of who I am working for.... When there is no Trust yet I am making a shit load of money for you on a regular basis... it's time to