Skip to main content

How the End Begins....

I am not sure of the next step But I do Know that at this Point it's time for me to take the driver's seat and make things exactly to the letter How I want them to be, Sometimes I feel, esp right Now that Only I can see the final Goal, exactly what needs to be done and how, There have been nessacary evil's in my life and soon they will be a thing of the past, much as this last court battle that has spanned 9 of his eleven years... Reflecting back the other day on it i thought... I have been at war with you for most of his young life... is that the legacy we leave behind and teach our child....?? at least he will know from me, i never walked away and I never backed down not from you, Not from the System, not from the courts, Not from Anyone, No fear in these eyes, No fear in this heart. there's is only black and white now and what is right and what is wrong, I have no fear going forward, there is NO FATE BUT WHAT WE MAKE..... and i am quite certain at this point when thing are written in stone that there will be a paper trail and a sad pathetic person hiding behind one and a slightly broken person standing strong on the other, this war is ending, and one of us will lose... sadly it's not about which one of us has lost however as it has already affected the one person in both or lives who has from my perspective lost everything? and why? to get me to walk away? to get me to leave his life... you should know me well enough to know that is not something I would never do.. and destroying me to accomplish that? Only makes me stronger.. all my life I have been better at everything I do when my back's agianst the wall.. Give me something to fight and i will fight and win and never back down.... this is the biggest fight of my life and the only worthy one i have ever truly had, that is why i know the angel's are on my side... Exploit my demon's to use agianst me? Two can play that game...you are not the only one who knows how to rattle a few skeleton's, and you're demons are younger than mine... this shouldn't be about destroying you or showing you that you will lose, this should be about an ending and peace, regardless if I am in that little boys life, some answers need to be found and the reality is.. the closer to the day of final judgement comes... the less and less you are prepared, I know this, this is part of my game plan, I am setting you up to fail... it's a familar feeling for you.... the moves to check mate are coming...but it shouldn't be this way.. i shouldn't have to destroy you to make things right.. i am saddened by the fact that it has come to this... sadder still you chose to do it first.. but i don't shed a tear for you... only him. this is How the End Begins....

Current Mood: Determined.
I think you and I are destined to do this forever.

And I just walked away. Again and again, I walked away as her world fell down around her. As they destroyed her. We destroyed her.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more