The Last Black Christmas II

Everyone thinks that “I'm happy and fine on this Christmas Eve” but look a lil closer, you will see tears in my eyes.

I am happy and surrounded by loved ones, and there are reasons to look forward to the new year, but something is still missing and that's not right, I Swore a year ago that this wouldn't be another missed Christmas and there is something hollow inside me that can't be filled by anyone or anything I do... there are positive things in my life over the last year, but it's still a empty holiday without him, At least I got to see someone else open some neat presents by proxy and will be celebrating my Xmas with family tonight, but it fucking sucks that once again I have to do it alone... again, four years is a very long time, it will not make it to fucking five.. Merry Christmas Son, I love you. Santa brought gifts under the tree just like he does every year, they will be here when you get home.

Current Mood: Sad, Sick.
Current Music: Motorhead, End of Time.

Just becuz we dont have together on this Christmas, doesn’t mean we don’t love each other, Miss you a lot and Merry Christmas.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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