Another year is done, There have been changes this year both good and bad, and things that have done to get me to my ultimate goal, but it's another year wasted in anger and solitude and fighting, sometimes feeling i don't have a voice to be heard unless i get angry and have to yell and shout and force myself to be heard by some of the people involved in moving the chess pieces around the board... this coming year I will take control both of my personal life and of the battles i have to fight and It will the things i do for me, and my boy, and not for anyone else, it is clear to me certain things in my life need to be moved away from, like the toy bullshit that I have constantly said i am walking away from but i continue to be surrounded by it like a black hole of decay, yes it provides an income and it provides me to have a few bucks in my wallet, but what about all the things i have worked for to have stolen away because of unscrupulous people that surround me due to the albatross i have so willingly placed around my neck? it's time this year to legitimately decide on a date to no longer continue and quit.. certain factors including mostly the legal bills and the money i owe people don't make that a reality of today but soon it will be a reality and it will be something that needs to be done. I have one Final battle to fight and it has nothing to do with plastic crap or fighting the system, it has to do with fighting her, Her and Her alone, as long as i need to i will continue to stand my ground and fight but i would rather that this thing has an ending this year, the last four years have not been fun, the last four years have been the darkest days of my life and the angriest days of my life, if i wasn't half as strong as the man i would have faltered and failed, some days it just feels like all that i have is focused on the battle and if their is anything else in my life it is a distraction, once upon a time there were welcome distractions but having a truck load of toys in a storage locker and a few nice things while things that are truly important to me like some of my sons irreplaceable possessions stolen by assholes makes me think that nothing is worth doing anymore unless I am doing it for myself for me or for Him, in the new year i will be having a harder exterior and not willing to have anyone i don't need in my fucking life.. it's time to distant myself from a lot of the so called hanger's on and people that are only interested in being my friend for what i can offer them, I had Nothing, I have Nothing, the few things i have are just material things and not important in comparison to the the scope of the things i have faced in my life, the things I continue to face, but at this point I need to only surround myself with people that are on my side and 100% trustworthy, anyone with the knife ready to stab can get the fuck out of my life. it's time to make changes.
Current Mood: Determined.
I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.
So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.
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