The War XXVIII: Mind Games III

Sometimes you have to pick the gun up to put the Gun down.

As fucking Usual the standardized bullshit and games continue, and i get a polite little fucking answer that even tho you were required to pay your half under extreme duress in advance, Mommy dearest who is fucking responsible for causing all this hell in All three of our lives get's to make a nice quaint payment plan, Newsflash, I'm not the one under court order to pay the balance, She is.. I am getting sick of these so called fucking professionals who play word and mind games and i have always thought that due to having a prior relationship with a person, you can't be impartial and I strongly fucking suspect that this person will not be an impartial observer, highly recommended maybe... but we all know how well that works out for me.. I'm better off being an asshole and doing things my way. Any time i trust someone else to have my intrests or my son's intrest's in mind.. it fucking backfires. i am sitting here angry after getting a pert little comment from someone who I do not trust to the fact that maybe she might pay, she has two contempts on record and a history of taking her time slowing down the court because she likes to play mental mind games.. I had the payment in august 5 months ago.... it's more stall tactics it's more Mind games and it's more bullshit.. I'm getting fed up. my son should be home this holiday, i shouldn't be waiting another six months to a year before the courts decide he can speak for himself... I'm sick of fighting an uphill battle. i'm sick of fighting completely actually. but it's something that has to be done.. until my heart stops beating or i'm dead in the ground, one or the other.... and I know you can't kill me, Jennifer.. you can only Try.

Current Mood: Angry

Each day of war takes us farther from all we could hope to be or do. We gain nothing but heartbreak, and lose everything we cherish. Our lives erode and diminish, our children see no future except a calendar of anguish and death. Our only hope for tomorrow is for peace now.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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